postgraduationhaze

The "Time to Take Off All that Coldplay from my Ipod " Entry
Date: 5 of May
Climate: Yuck
Eating: -
Drinking: Sugar Free Red Bull
Feeling: Friday ish (read: sorta lazy and anxious for the weekend)
Listening to: Well, clearly not ColdPlay -
Watching: last night, X -Men II.
Reading: What's that?

Well well well. Another May day has brought me even closer to my big *25* birthday. Should I throw a rager? Quietly sob alone in my room as I enter my "mid - 20s"? Dine out at a fabulously overpriced and overstyled restaurant? Go to my friend's bachelorette party in St. Louis over that same weekend? Hide? An incredibly awkward dinner with my friends who have no clear connection besides...moi?

Probs...none of the above. Obvy I am not that bent out of shape about turning 25 be/c if I was I would start to turn into one of those people who just ignore birthdays altogether. This is not typical of me - things like birthdays and holidays (esps. Christmas, hello) are occassions requiring obnoxious celebration. But as I grow older and more preoccupied with things like...well, adult life, my interest in all things holiday-noxious has faded. Christmas was barely a blip on the radar this year (more like anxiety as the law school apps went out), and my birthday just seems to be a disappointment already. Bad attitude, Cherie. Bad!

I still don't know what i'll end up doing - Eduardo inquired about this day months ago (knowing my history of birthdays)...at the time, i wanted to go to London or Paris but that sure isn't happening now that I have gotten my law school financial aid information totaling - on paper - just how much law school is costing me, and then for awhile it was wanting to go to Cali or Mexico City (also not happening), so what I will be counting on is the following:

A big sugary cake from like, Jewel (so low brow I know but I love those cakes).
A bundle of helium inflated pink balloons intended to be thrown out my 16th floor apartment window.
Drinking the bottle of Perrier Jouet I have had since like NYE.

...more? I think there was more. Now I forget which is probs good for Eduardo. I want it to be special be/c it's 25 but I hate planning and frankly don't have that many friends (lets see, Julie...Will...Lindsay...Erick...Sarah...Lena...Julie, no wait, I already listed her). So. The rager is out. The overpriced dinner (last year it was Spiaggia) is still a possibility. The cake and balloons and champaigne is a for sure...and of course, the 29th lapsing into the 30th and my 24th year fading into history as my 25th year looms on the horizon is completely certain. I suppose that as we age that's the only certain thing. Not the most sage of wisdom I know but its the...reality of life I guess. Bleak. Very much so.

...when I turned 23 I had a sign I made for myself which read "Today is My Birthday, It Only Happens Once A Year" and I got a pinata of a dinosaur. What can top that? Maybe a renewed excitement for my life. Especially with my law school education coming in but three months, I feel as though I should be more excited about my life but I just am not. I am the people I hate.

Posted by * at 10:22 AM | Permalink | Comments

Without hesitation, the immigration rallies across the US today and especially in Chicago have brought about a level of...anger and hostility that is normally reserved for stressful situations like the holiday shopping season or extremely hot weather, when people tend to be a little more angry, a little more inpatient, and a lot more aggressive.

It always saddens me when I read about groups like the skin heads or "pro - Americans" who tend to come out in full force when rallies in favor of minority groups (be it race, religion, sexuality or gender) decide to, once again, poison the well of diversity and understanding that these rallies are intended to promote. The instance a skin head throws out a racist comment, there are a few reactions: 1. Anger and retaliation as derogatory comments are thrown back towards the initial rock throwers 2. A quiet agreement among silent standerby's who know better than to speak something so obviously inappropriate, but perhaps feel it in their own minds and 3. A sadness (this is the reaction whic affects me in this situation) that we, once again, are a nation made up of double standards, intolerance, and hate for that we do not understand or want to understand.

These sentiments always feel so incredibly retro to me, primarily because I, and many of my friends and family, feel that name calling, intolerance, and double standards are things of the past, things that characterize the challengers of the civil rights movement, or even the Holocaust...I guess it's the mass mindset of a group of people who are unaccepted because what they want is something that the majority doesn't want to give, for reasons that always feel so irrational and discriminatory. Equality, basic "human rights" (and I believe the ability to travel and live within any country is one)...all of these issues become intertwined with culturally identifying factors, like a native language, a style of clothing...skin color. It ends up being the culture on trial and not the law or the issue that drew these people out - this applies to those protesting and those that are rallying against them. It really makes me sad, perhaps because I know that people may look at me in a way that is "grouped" with what a certain ethnic group represents to them, and treat me differently? I am sure it's happened and probably still does happen, but I haven't felt that since I left small town Minnesota (where kids would make "slanty eyes" at me and yell at me in kung fu noises). I recognize that different cultures posess differences that I don't understand and it can be frustrating, but never have I shyed away or judged any one or any culture solely on those premises. I just don't understand it.

American's on both sides of the aisle, those who feel discriminated against and those that are doing it, often are one in the same. And the "deporation card" seems to be the one thing that American's feel is legitimate be/c we have law established to justify their "I can get you deported" threats (see the HRW article regarding illegal workers in Nebraskan meat factories, and also, Page 6 re: Lindsay Lohan's "I can get you deported" threat).

America seems to be especially vulnerable to this (see the extreme hype and praise for the movie Crash, which really did nothing but secure American's in their established racial stereotypes - honestly, if anyone watched this movie in a theater like I did, the audience seemed pretty content at laughing at the jokes aimed at some cultures, but were solemn when the jokes about more...mainstreamed cultures were mentioned, because racism is okay for some cultures, but not others). This is something that I found absent or lessened while in London, but Europe isn't exempt either (see the Dutch "welcome" video aimed at Muslims, which introduces trademark Dutch traits like topless beaches, homosexual relationships, etc., and says in effect "If you don't like it, don't live here"). I understand what the Dutch are saying - this is our country and we like it that way - but how do you put up a gatekeeper to habitation? How does that work? Sure, the dutch don't want to be persecuted by any group of people for their culture, and I can respect and understand that, especially with the terror that many people believe to exist regarding the muslim faith. Yet it still doesn't settle right with me, and I am not sure why.

The solution? On my end? I don't really have one - maybe having babies with my boyfriend that are going to be such a mess of ethnicities that if people really want to hate on them, they'll have to come up with their own slurs...and really, I think that the mass majority of those that would want to name call are too lazy to come up with anything.

Posted by * at 2:07 PM | Permalink | Comments