postgraduationhaze

Posted by * at 2:08 PM | Permalink | Comments

The "Post Migraney " Entry
Date: 10 March 2006
Climate: Not warm enough for me
Eating: --
Drinking: tea
Feeling: tired and headachy
Listening to: saeglopur - sigur ros
Watching: the OC, well, last night
Reading: latest issue of W with freaking Jessica Simpson on the cover.

I think that an addiction is classified when an individual feels a need, overwhelmingly, to do something that they absolutely do not need to do but confuse their irrational wanting with needing. I have concluded this is the current syndrome I have with the OC. Don't get me wrong, I really loved the first season - for reasons that everyone loves things that are new and fresh - it cannot be too redundant just yet, its humor and writing always seems invigorating and the characters are still being developed, and on and on. This is the OC of days gone by. The OC of our current days is just so annoying I still don't know why I watch. Case in point, Marissa. Lordy does this character bother me - forever "troubled," forever "borderline suicide," and forever toad - faced (that last part is Eduardo's observation of her - that she looks like a toad). She is so incredibly thin that her face does appear a little toady but moreso its the facial expressions she carries during the show - she's so moody and just lacking any comic timing or ability that when she tries, its just flat out uncomfortable for everyone watching, and I can't imagine how she feels acting that way.

Moving onto Ryan, well, he's incredibly aggravating too - always "saving" some idiot girl, always "reflecting" on his "prison dad" and his "drunk and runaway mom" and of course, we will never forget Trey, who tried to like rape Marissa and then got shot and then survived and like boarded a Greyhound for who knows where. Its so inevitable that all these characters that are introduced and placed back out into the non OC world, just so that they can come back and stir up more drama (hello Theresa, with "Ryans Baby," whos life is back in Chino; and of course Lindsay who like went to Chicago...? And Trey. And my personal favorite, Anna, who they had move back to Pittsburgh - "the Chino of the East Coast.").

My two favorite chacters have always been Seth and Summer and they're still like one trick pony's, who bring the "awkward but intelligent, comforting but ditzy, funny but not insensitive" emotions to the show. This show needs to take Ryan and Marissa and dump them somewhere else, leaving the stage lit with just Summer and Seth.
ALSO last night they had a music repeat. What the hell? Thats like one of the main reasons I watch the OC, for the emo music that just makes the overdramatic dialogue even more amazing to watch. Last night, again as the show faded out, Youth Group's remake of Forever Young played, you know, as Ryan fell in love with Sadie (who I also cannot stand, seriously, this girl cannot act! Sure, 13 was a great movie, and she cowrote it so thats admirable but as this character who she defined in the interview as similar to Natalie Portman's character Sam in Garden State couldn't be further from the truth). The OC is really starting to fail me. Yet I watch obsessively.

I guarantee that I will watch this whole season and probably get unnecessarily caught up in the drama and intruige that only a FOX sitcome can do...but will I buy this season once it debuts in its like 10 pack DVD set with "bonus extras?" (that phrase couldn't be more redundant but I hear it EVERYWHERE when movies and tv shows come out on DVD and it pisses me off). I don't think I will purchase it unless something happens...amazing, like we find out Marissa is really a man or something.

In other news, I did my physical therapy this week for my neck/headache issues which are truly becoming disabling. I realized, while discussing my history with Denise, my skinny blond and 40ish physical therapist, that I was in a car accident in high school and never saw a doctor. Its probably just soft tissue damage that would be invisible on any type of film, but at least now I have a more detailed idea as to why I have this pain other than just "how I sit at work and while studying," because that just didn't make any sense.

Countdown to departure to the UK is a week - the weather there is is rainy and 50ish, totally London Fog I swear, but you know, its getting away from Chicago for a week and that is something I am so excited about that I need to limit the amount of time I think about it, each day, or otherwise this week will feel like forever. I have also decided that my next trip stateside will be to California to stay at the Chateau Marmont. My one trip to California hypnotized me into wanting to move there and finally -FINALLY- Eduardo has agreed that he'd move back to California since, upon my law school graduation and his undergraduate graduation (which will be about 1.5 years apart), he will go to grad school to pursue some sort of neurophilosophy program which is dominant in California. :) The Chateau Marmont seems to be nearly impossible to get into but if I plan one year in advance, I hope I'd be able to get like one night on a freaking Tuesday.

Posted by * at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

I really haven't calmed down all that much since I wrote that post, well, yesterday actually. I cannot stop thinking about it and thats really not what I need at this stage in my life - more anger and disbelief about how people govern one another.

So to focus on less stressing topics, here are a few:

I have started to watch the newest season of the Real World. So far its the same old crap and I can't determine why I watch it. I may stop watching as I did the last season because as well all know, I am already a big fan of a few other shows, namely Project Runway and Commander In Chief and Entourage and The OC which really needs to f-ing start up again be/c I am going through withdrawl, no joke. I need Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts to remind me that life can in fact be enjoyable when individuals are committed solely to themselves, and of course, looking good and having nice shit.

My job is really starting to wear on me - working at the firm that I do seems to have made me...cold? Ironic, right, that the more I work at a firm devoted to helping people wronged that I find my attitude towards being more of a charitable individual dies down. Well thats not entirely accurate but thats the feeling of the moment. I suppose this is all relative to my anxiety about law school and what not...(?) Whatever.

Eduardo and I leave for London in about a week. I am so excited...I feel like everyone I care about has been en route air travel these past weeks...my little brother, who turns 22 (holy shit) tomorrow has finally docked the fishing boat off the Alaskan coast and is basking in the sun in Hawaii. I love him so much - growing older really has made us closer, because now he like...calls me and stuff on his own? Sans my parents prompting to "call your sister." Alas, I still don't fully read him...but thats part of why I love him, he's so dimensional and so often says things that are completely unexpected. My parents, meanwhile, have celebrated their 31st anniversary this past March 1 and just got back from Florida - the keys, visits to my grandmother and my aunt, and as they told it to me tonight, they rented a convertable and drove around with the top down. That image is priceless to me...and moreover, I am so happy that they are finally able to act freely, without the worry of my mothers health. Thats good ... and I say that be/c this cloud of serious sullenness has taken a permanent residence over the seratonin intake of my body. I just feel so blah and tired all of the f-ing time. Part of it might be health related (i just had my first physical therapy session for my neck today) - but there are upsides to that too, like how concerned Eduardo was when he realized that I was at the MDs yesterday - he called all concerned and I realized that I love how attentive he is without being overbearing or unreasonable...in fact, every weekend of every month of every year we have been together (now approaching trois) has been so amazing be/c it is with him - and just talking to him and physically being with him - its compares to nothing else I have ever had. And I love that...so the UK is our next adventure together, and then this summer, Guatamala. I love being in love and feeling like the excitement I have had or felt with him is new every day.

So thats that. Oh! I introduced Rob to Spitalfield and he loved them. I also introduced Erick to H & M today as well. He loved it. I love introducing my friends to things I love...oh! Also on Saturday Eduardo and I went to a birthday party for people I had never met before, but they were intruiging...they are going to tear down their home and build a glass house, no shit. I was the only one who laughed when someone asked "are they going to throw stones?" Ha.

Posted by * at 8:57 PM | Permalink | Comments

The"I'm Mad As Hell and I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore" Entry

Yesterday the governor of South Dakota signed into law a ban on all abortions that do not directly threaten the woman’s life who is carrying that baby’s. Rape victims, incest victims, unless you’re going to die if you have this baby, you’re having this baby. No one should be surprised that state legislatures around the US are seizing the incredible opportunity that our Born Again Christian President has presented. Thank you America.

I can’t quite determine what is angering me more; the fact that this bill turned law was intentional and timed; that it is willing to bargain with women’s lives as it runs its course through appeal until it hits the Supreme Court. Or maybe that it feels like this law is reinforcing the age old argument that women’s lib fought against – and is still fighting against - that women are mere byproducts of this Christian God, biologically created to produce children, no matter what the cost or the traumatization.
This trauma that all women residents of South Dakota face needs to be spoken of, and I’ll just start with the most obvious.

Victims of incest traditionally are under the age of 18, vulnerable and incredibly unable to stand up for themselves or break away – emotionally or physically – from their dysfunctional home life. How the South Dakota legislature can rationalize how this woman/girl is capable of birthing and presumably caring for a child out of incest is confusing and terrifying at the same time (because lets be honest here, this is a baby out of incest, which doesn’t really grab adoptive parents, or so I would think).

Rape victims don’t necessarily have the general age disadvantage that incest victims do. On the contrary, these are women who most of the time have no emotional confusion regarding the men who impregnate them, whereas victims of incest clearly do. Rape, as a rule, is when one party completely unwillingly is forced to have sex with the other, and women are the lucky bunch who run the risk of not only having the emotional and mental scarring, but may end up pregnant as well. Nine months is a long time to carry a physical reminder of a rape, and the most horrifying part is that – at least in South Dakota – because they presume this “child” to be given all of the living (and I’m going to define living when it isn’t doing that inside a woman’s body) rights, that means rights to a biological father. Thus, the raped “mother” of this child now is forced to interact with the rapist “father,” and according to the state of South Dakota, they theoretically now get to raise this child, a child born out of violence and hate.

I don’t truly understand how the State of South Dakota rations that this child is better off having been born but it seems consistent with the Conservative logic that has fired this pro-life movement all along – they passionately rally for this child’s unborn life but they remain steadily hell bent on funneling tax dollars away from aid programs that care for all lives – Medicaid and welfare and healthcare in America are becoming less and less important to the Christian Conservatives. Perhaps we should be evaluating how valuable a life is by how we’re caring for American lives, all of them – old and young, instead of obsessing over abortion.

To be frank, I in fact don’t understand why this “life” is considered anything but a mess of tissue until it is pushed or yanked out of the woman. I don’t understand why this “life” as they consider it is more important than the life of the mother – why nine months out of her life, why one moment of violence unto herself, is not equal in rights to this hypothetical baby. No one will argue that babies need love and I don’t understand why the State of South Dakota thinks that the minute this raped or victimized woman gives birth that she will suddenly turn into the storybook Mama Bear – that suddenly it will all be “okay” and that incident, nine months ago, was “worth it.” How do they assume that a man as incredibly dangerous and un paternal, as rapists and perpetrators of incest are – can suddenly be strong enough to father a child? What exactly are they saying? Because it doesn’t seem like they have thought enough about it, especially when the governor refuses interviews moments after signing this bill into law, because the obvious questions articulated here would need to be answered. And what would he say? To the incest victims. To the rape victims. And eventually to the child of a rapist, or a child whose father is also their grandfather or uncle…but that doesn’t matter right now, and neither do the basic rights of women in the State of South Dakota. Women who just decide to have sex – to be as sexually active as men have eternally been – women are once again being punished by society for being sexually free and controlling themselves without the permission of a man or a family. No scarlet A, yes, but the bulging belly of an unmarried woman, especially one that does not wish to be a mother, is telling enough. What type of punitive action happens to a man once a woman becomes pregnant? Nothing, in fact, the laws we have to force the father to be as participatory as the woman, in the form of monetary support, is amazingly easy to outrun. Women cannot outrun a participatory role in parenting and now, and now not having any choice whatsoever, it will be no surprise when women are in the back alley’s with coat hangers, with doctors performing under the table abortions, exploiting and victimizing women, again.

The Supreme Court should be smart about this issue and they should, as it was said before during John Roberts’ confirmation hearings, leave it as “settled law.” If not, I may join the ranks of those American hating Europeans and just move to London, if I like it. If not, there is always Canada. Or Mexico.

Posted by * at 8:14 PM | Permalink | Comments