postgraduationhaze

Cherie v. Take Out Order Guy


My attitude has already altered with this distraction that is law school. Case in point: last night, I ordered Chinese food from this really great place, as far as their food goes at least. Their customer service can be a bit fuzzy in the quality department, and last night as I ordered our food, I was really at wits end with the guy - aggressive, annoyed at his incompetance, and really annoyed at how 'meh' he seemed to be taking my order - and it wasn't rocket science, just questions I had about types of vegetables and noodles and such. Of course the order came wrong, but it was minimal so i didn't make that big of deal - but thats really be/c I was sort of hell on the phone with the guy - I complained to Eduardo afterwards and he said, "Little one, I know, I heard his voice and I just thought 'uh oh, Cherie v. This Guy. Not good."

Yeah, I suppose I am not the most easy going person - but now that I had my first full day of craziness (working for like 9 hours and then studying and then running errands, aka the typical amount of work most normal people do, but I am coming off of a pretty easy last year so its taking some adjustment). That adjustment is really coming from my fatigue - I mean, for example, tonight at Blockbuster (Eduardo is watching The World's Fastest Indian right now), the checkout woman was really annoying but I just didn't do anything to stop it. I just let her bleed words like a faucet of boring and useless information for the full like 5 minutes. Whatever, normally i'd just be annoyed and leave to avoid any more time in the Blockbuster but tonight, I leaned against the counter, plopped my large text book down, and just listened to her try to sell me on things like Blockbuster online and why they didn't have Paperchase in for rental. Honestly, it was a situation I would have tried to manipulate to produce the fastest exist possible but tonight, too tired. And I think this is how it will be until mid December, when finals resolve and the semester is finished...and then it will be the like rollercoaster of stress or fatigue or nerves or frantic or whatever - probably all. I am sure Eduardo is really excited about this -

I also got my Zidane jersey in today - I put it on immediately. I love it. I am going to wear it next week sometime, and as I explained to Jliz, it will probably just make me look more strange to my classmates - jersey + crazy bracelets and whatever else I decide to adorn myself with. I really don't fit in with these classmates that I have met thus far - in fact, at the like reception we had, I literally stood alone for five minutes with my tiny plate of raw vegetables, just looking at the room packed full of people, all chatting like they'd been friends for years. There was the frat boy contingent and the girls who hang along - mind you, some people were really territorial about who they talked to, depending on what section you are in - but these Dave Matthews loving, Beer drinking, Cubs fans all were from various sections but were hearded together like they'd all just got back from like, Cancun or something that would bond them more than law school and alcohol. Then there were the marrieds - two girls I met had weddings on the brain - one had gotten married (she was a year younger than me and has been married for a year) and the other was getting married next month. I didn't really feel like I was in law school but like, in a salon or something, talking about stuff I normally purposefully don't concern myself with. But this is the process of making friends and meeting people - I just am really awkward and bad at forced socializing. A couple of people I met were nice but alas, not in my section - and despite that I didn't resort to the "you're not in my section, peace" attitude of some, its discouraging to talk to someone who you know won't realistically be a part of this first year.

Finally, the bookstore for some reason which will probably end up being simply incompetance but that scares me at this stage so I am saying something more acceptable, like...it wasn't their fault, didn't order enough copies of the required texts for my lawyering skills class - well, not having the book seems like the perfect set up to get screamed at for not doing the assignments due next week (the books own't be in until mid week), and be/c its obvious some of my classmates got the book so i'd appear even more like an easy targed for the fun that is the Socratic Method, that I hunted around the De Paul law library and my law library and got the book off reserve and copied the like 15 pages. I will not be unprepared - I keep repeating it as a mantra or something. I think its helping but the truth test will be this coming Monday/Tuesday when I start classes. Tonight it took me an hour to outline the first case I read in Property...but I felt like I understood it? I just need to work on my speed which should come with time, like all things, and I hate that - i just wish I could get it earlier - the study methods, the not having any friends thing - oh and the other part of that no friends thing could be be/c I dropped all my shit off the table on my last day of orientation - not during a break, but during session, so everyone's heads turned as the crap fell off with a thump and it went EVERYWHERE - and of course be/c of the general quiet of the room my whispered "SHIT" seemed much louder. Regarded as a leper since I guess, which explains the standing alone with the plate of raw vegetables at the reception.

One of the attorneys that I work for consistently asks how Orientation is going and I regal him with these stories which he finds amusing - i am glad my humiliation can make someone happy.

Posted by * at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments

the anti social


Its either be/c I am so freaking nervous about being back in school or just a signal of how introverted I have become since I got into my 20's, but I can safely say that my participation within orientation this week has been strictly professional - I have no friends yet. Everyone there seems to have existing friends that are all 1Ls. Granted I sit alone and in the back but it's the only place I feel comfortable - not be/c I don't want to be noticed necessarily but its just so easy for me to fade away. The wisdom imparted by Rob leads me to believe that socializing at this point - or even participating in the social events offered - is not necessary to making a few friends - and really, why would I go out with these people when I don't go out alone (minus that last time with the Vodka Red Bulls, 6am Still Drunk Can't Go To Work, Being Sick as a Dog for the day, etc...)? Answer: I don't. I am the anti social.

I don't enjoy this but its just sort of who I have become. Who knows. Maybe it just takes me longer to gain trust in people (dramatic, yes) or maybe I just am too overwhelmed with the academics of it all + the pressure to keep working (not be/c of the financial benefit but because I feel like I need to be able to do both). I haven't been sleeping well this week and doubt i'll sleep well again until after this semester is over. Its started, it's in my head, all the crazy bullshit that happens to me when I am engaged with academics.

I was telling my co workers today about my trip to Guatemala and there are a few things of note:

Guatemala isn't as 3rd world as I thought - the renegade aspect of their justice (I should put quotations around that word) is very...marshall law-esq but you know, there's a public transit system (dismal as it is) and you know, McDonalds and Taco Bell (not like those are the hallmarks of developed nations but I mean, this isn't the Sudan). The terrain of the country is beautiful and i'll post some photos this weekend - from the black sandy beaches to the forest like valleys...in addition, everyone seems to have guns, and they like to show them off - esps the military who walk around with machine guns like it's bottled water. Some people have bodyguards who also carry guns (Part of the whole family brigade, actually), and there are kidnappings. I heard someone say that they feel safer in Mexico City which is saying quite a bit. But in reviewing the trip, I realized that despite the bad (and it was very, very bad), the good was very, very good and I enjoyed the trip overall. I think that bad aspect would have shown its head sooner than later, whether I was in Guatemala or not, I suppose.

I am also becoming sort of..similar to how i appeared in college - my nails have been painted blue for two weeks now and I am back to wearing sort of crazy clothes and lots of jewelry (messes of necklaces, rings and bracelets) - I feel more like myself, truly, than the ridiculous professional ready to wear I have to sport for the law firm. Even heels appear ridiculous now. So many benefits to the student lifestyle that I didn't even think about when I embarked on this legal education. Oh, and for like 30 minutes of the orientation session today, we talked about the bar exam. Three years away, and they're not only terrifying us about the academic rigor but the big, final gatekeeper to becoming an attorney. You can't help but feel a little depressed.

Posted by * at 11:03 PM | Permalink | Comments

I had orientation today...it was pretty much what I expected: I sat alone, got scared about failing (the curve), and was reaffirmed in my belief that I probably won't make many friends in law school. One person spoke to me today voluntarily - and that was sort of be/c he was sitting next to me. I even told him that I wouldn't have said anything to him had he not initiated conversation - I think it was just nerves that pushed me into some like, shy and introverted position. I just didn't want to volunteer any personal information and when forced, gave only the slimmest of explanation. Growing anxious about working while in school too, as the 2L's that were our orientation leaders really spoke of how much time you put into preparing for class - and we had to fill out a form vowing to not work over 20 hours a week - right now I am slated for about 16 so who knows...its just a lot of nerves, feeling unprepared (really be/c everyone stresses how incredibly different law school is and how nothing can prepare you, which is horrifying). Buying books was also a costly venture - I have books for only three of the four classes (the fourth is tbd), and still have to purchase a law dictionary and study aids...that was another issue - the two professors who conducted the panel discussion regarding our general fears and apprehensions really stressed that study aids are wrong, and that it won't allow you to think about the law in a personalized way which can then be successfully applied to the exams...and the 2Ls basically swore by them? I just...there really is no road map and its scary. I just want to do well, and for me to keep my scholarship, I have to land in the top 15%. Its overwhelming for me right now. I am looking at these next few days as my last days of freedom, be/c really, once I begin classes, this will be even more in my head - even getting it all done won't really help me feel at ease be/c the indication that I have done well or failed won't come until December. One exam decides my entire performance in one class - participation is nominal, or so we were told today - nominal as far as grades go - it seems the professors really stress being prepared be/c of the assault that is the Socratic method.

Other thoughts today:

I wish Man U would allow C. Ronaldo to leave - its clear the Brits don't want him on the team, and I frankly think they just need to get over the freaking Rooney incident.

The one person who talked to me today actually lives next door to me - weird, and such a small world type of claustrophobia.

The law school is split between two buildings and they have Mezzanine levels - I felt like I was in Being John Malkovich when I was trying to navigate the elevators and the floors - like pressing two buttons to get to the floor in the middle. Its crazy in there, and the elevators smell like...perm and hair dye odor from a salon.

I bought a somewhat tacky colored blue bag which I can fit an alarming amount of crap in which will now, as I am back in school, hold my essentials the way it did as I was in college.

I realize I have seen most of the Law and Orders (original + SVU + CI) that they show on TNT/TBS/Bravo. I suppose two years of watching syndicated episodes will do that.

My Zidane jersey still hasn't arrived - I realisticaly know it won't get here until next month, but I approach my mailbox with extreme anticipation every afternoon, to my dismay, there is no jersey yet.

My trip to Guatemala was...complicated. Its too pesonal to blog about, but as far as the country in and of itself goes, it was wonderful. From the beach (black sand!) to climbing up an active volcano (literally saw hot MAGMA), to seeing Antigua and the clay roofs and brightly colored buildings, it was beautiful and I would likely go back. Their currency, the Quetzal, is so incredibly weak (7.5 quetzals to 1 dollar), that the banks refused to change the quetzals back to dollars - i have heard that even O'Hare refuses to change the quetzal to the dollar be/c its so weak...we got in at like 230 AM so I couldn't investigate first hand.

Pretty sure I didn't develop Malaria as I dutifully took the anti malaria prescription, however, experienced a sickness from something I ate one night that was of epic proportions - I was up all night, in and out of the bathroom. Not pretty.

...I guess that's it for now.

Posted by * at 10:07 PM | Permalink | Comments