the anti social
Its either be/c I am so freaking nervous about being back in school or just a signal of how introverted I have become since I got into my 20's, but I can safely say that my participation within orientation this week has been strictly professional - I have no friends yet. Everyone there seems to have existing friends that are all 1Ls. Granted I sit alone and in the back but it's the only place I feel comfortable - not be/c I don't want to be noticed necessarily but its just so easy for me to fade away. The wisdom imparted by Rob leads me to believe that socializing at this point - or even participating in the social events offered - is not necessary to making a few friends - and really, why would I go out with these people when I don't go out alone (minus that last time with the Vodka Red Bulls, 6am Still Drunk Can't Go To Work, Being Sick as a Dog for the day, etc...)? Answer: I don't. I am the anti social.
I don't enjoy this but its just sort of who I have become. Who knows. Maybe it just takes me longer to gain trust in people (dramatic, yes) or maybe I just am too overwhelmed with the academics of it all + the pressure to keep working (not be/c of the financial benefit but because I feel like I need to be able to do both). I haven't been sleeping well this week and doubt i'll sleep well again until after this semester is over. Its started, it's in my head, all the crazy bullshit that happens to me when I am engaged with academics.
I was telling my co workers today about my trip to Guatemala and there are a few things of note:
Guatemala isn't as 3rd world as I thought - the renegade aspect of their justice (I should put quotations around that word) is very...marshall law-esq but you know, there's a public transit system (dismal as it is) and you know, McDonalds and Taco Bell (not like those are the hallmarks of developed nations but I mean, this isn't the Sudan). The terrain of the country is beautiful and i'll post some photos this weekend - from the black sandy beaches to the forest like valleys...in addition, everyone seems to have guns, and they like to show them off - esps the military who walk around with machine guns like it's bottled water. Some people have bodyguards who also carry guns (Part of the whole family brigade, actually), and there are kidnappings. I heard someone say that they feel safer in Mexico City which is saying quite a bit. But in reviewing the trip, I realized that despite the bad (and it was very, very bad), the good was very, very good and I enjoyed the trip overall. I think that bad aspect would have shown its head sooner than later, whether I was in Guatemala or not, I suppose.
I am also becoming sort of..similar to how i appeared in college - my nails have been painted blue for two weeks now and I am back to wearing sort of crazy clothes and lots of jewelry (messes of necklaces, rings and bracelets) - I feel more like myself, truly, than the ridiculous professional ready to wear I have to sport for the law firm. Even heels appear ridiculous now. So many benefits to the student lifestyle that I didn't even think about when I embarked on this legal education. Oh, and for like 30 minutes of the orientation session today, we talked about the bar exam. Three years away, and they're not only terrifying us about the academic rigor but the big, final gatekeeper to becoming an attorney. You can't help but feel a little depressed.
Its either be/c I am so freaking nervous about being back in school or just a signal of how introverted I have become since I got into my 20's, but I can safely say that my participation within orientation this week has been strictly professional - I have no friends yet. Everyone there seems to have existing friends that are all 1Ls. Granted I sit alone and in the back but it's the only place I feel comfortable - not be/c I don't want to be noticed necessarily but its just so easy for me to fade away. The wisdom imparted by Rob leads me to believe that socializing at this point - or even participating in the social events offered - is not necessary to making a few friends - and really, why would I go out with these people when I don't go out alone (minus that last time with the Vodka Red Bulls, 6am Still Drunk Can't Go To Work, Being Sick as a Dog for the day, etc...)? Answer: I don't. I am the anti social.
I don't enjoy this but its just sort of who I have become. Who knows. Maybe it just takes me longer to gain trust in people (dramatic, yes) or maybe I just am too overwhelmed with the academics of it all + the pressure to keep working (not be/c of the financial benefit but because I feel like I need to be able to do both). I haven't been sleeping well this week and doubt i'll sleep well again until after this semester is over. Its started, it's in my head, all the crazy bullshit that happens to me when I am engaged with academics.
I was telling my co workers today about my trip to Guatemala and there are a few things of note:
Guatemala isn't as 3rd world as I thought - the renegade aspect of their justice (I should put quotations around that word) is very...marshall law-esq but you know, there's a public transit system (dismal as it is) and you know, McDonalds and Taco Bell (not like those are the hallmarks of developed nations but I mean, this isn't the Sudan). The terrain of the country is beautiful and i'll post some photos this weekend - from the black sandy beaches to the forest like valleys...in addition, everyone seems to have guns, and they like to show them off - esps the military who walk around with machine guns like it's bottled water. Some people have bodyguards who also carry guns (Part of the whole family brigade, actually), and there are kidnappings. I heard someone say that they feel safer in Mexico City which is saying quite a bit. But in reviewing the trip, I realized that despite the bad (and it was very, very bad), the good was very, very good and I enjoyed the trip overall. I think that bad aspect would have shown its head sooner than later, whether I was in Guatemala or not, I suppose.
I am also becoming sort of..similar to how i appeared in college - my nails have been painted blue for two weeks now and I am back to wearing sort of crazy clothes and lots of jewelry (messes of necklaces, rings and bracelets) - I feel more like myself, truly, than the ridiculous professional ready to wear I have to sport for the law firm. Even heels appear ridiculous now. So many benefits to the student lifestyle that I didn't even think about when I embarked on this legal education. Oh, and for like 30 minutes of the orientation session today, we talked about the bar exam. Three years away, and they're not only terrifying us about the academic rigor but the big, final gatekeeper to becoming an attorney. You can't help but feel a little depressed.
i miss college cherie (i.e. the dress code). frankly i miss myself from college. maybe when i go to graduate school i'll feel similarly. i'm not sure if i dress more professionally now because i feel as though i have to or because i'm just progressing in that way. an interesting thing to ponder.
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Thu Aug 17, 10:11:00 AM CDT