11 June 2004

The" argumentative " Entry
Date: 11june
Climate: Is this what Britain feels like?
Eating: --
Drinking: Caramel Macchiato (shakes fist at ulcer)
Feeling: subdued
Listening to: Franz Ferdinand
Watching: occassional CNN
Reading: stats from the National Womens Law Center

Today I go home.
Saved! with Julie.
Time with Eddie.
Time in the city.
And a possible trip to an IL Alpacas farm, no shit.
I have been laughing off and on about this all day.

Feeling amazingly ugly and grotesque and wonder if raging self esteem disorder will or will not pass. Amazed that Eddie handles it so fluidly.

That is all.

Emotions run high: teared up when read one of R. Reagans letters to Nancy on the Today show this morning. This has to stop.

10 June 2004

The" nuts and berries " Entry
Date: 10 June
Climate: cold and drizzle
Eating: said entry
Drinking: vitamin water stress-b
Feeling: just buzzing along
Listening to: This American Life: Hoaxing Yourself (haha)
Watching: the lights flicker
Reading: hyatt confirmation sheet

I hate it when the pistachios aren't fully open. Eddie insists that means you just absolutely aren't supposed to eat them but whatever, I usually pry them open with my teeth. My squirrel like diet has gotten some attraction: Lon and Khalid seem to find reasons to come in to eat the pistachios especially...I guess dried cranberries aren't as much their style.
I have found this to be a successful way to eat without upsetting the ulcer. Small amounts of snax continually through the day.
I am coming home tomorrow: I get off early be/c my new boss, the media director, is also going to Chicago for some conference so she wants to beat the traffic and I mean, its really only fair then...
Anyway, I hate it when the pistachios aren't open.
There were three today and since the new intern sits in my office, I can't really pry them open and still be his supervisor respectful.

Meh.

09 June 2004

The advertise this on TV in Michigan. Insane yet wonderful.


...at this rate, i'll never get to Cuba. Damnit!


(this is relatively comical)

Warning

Remember, we don't advise anyone from the US to travel to Cuba illegally (our lawyer made us put this comment in).

HOW TO GET THERE
This section is primarily for US citizens who would like to travel to Cuba.
The United States is the only country with adverse relations with Cuba. Unfortunately, this means that it is difficult for Americans to travel to Cuba legally. We will not be held responsible for those who follow the information on this page, nor do we advocate illegal travel to Cuba.

The logic behind the embargo is that it will force the Cuban government to modify itself in such a way that it is no longer socialist/communist, but capitalist, with a system of government similar to the US. Of course, it hasn't worked. Cuba was more affluent before its current government, but it was also more corrupt, was Mafia controlled, and had a much worse educational and health care system. True freedom will not occur in Cuba until the US trade embargo ends.

No other country supports the embargo, and the only reason it still exists is that many Cuban-Americans support it, and Florida is a very important political state. In addition, ending the embargo would adversely effect some US business, which would have to compete with Cuba. The embargo hurts Cuba, and it hurts the United States (primarily through lost business, but it also makes the government appear to be an inept, out-of-touch bully). The embargo will end, but not until the supporters of the embargo forget about "pay back", and truly put the interests of the Cuban people before their own anger.

How it's done
Legal:

If you are a non US citizen, simply call your travel agent and go. If you are a US citizen (where freedom is absolute), ask your government for permission. Write to the Treasury Department's Office of Foreign Assets Control and ask permission to travel to Cuba. Generally, travel is only allowed for journalists and diplomats. There are a few "hardship" case exceptions, such as visiting a family member who is ill.

Illegally:

We understand that the following is how some citizens have traveled to Cuba, without express permission from the US government.

Basically, the trade embargo means that you can't purchase anything of Cuban origin. Theoretically, you could travel directly to Cuba via a Miami charter, stay for the day and spend nothing, and then return. However, visitors must pay a $25 departure tax when leaving Cuba, and I'm not sure if paying the tax would be considered trading with the enemy. So...

Travel must be made via a "third" country such as Mexico, Canada, or the Bahamas. You don't want Cuba on any airline ticket stubs, so you'll want to book separate tickets to the third country (for example, round trip tickets to Cancun, Mexico and separate round trip tickets for the Cancun/Havana/Cancun portion of your trip). Once in the third country, you may purchase a ticket and tour to Cuba. Cuba does not stamp US passports. Instead, a separate visa is issued, which you throw away before entering the US. When you return to the US (through customs) you tell them you've been in the third country (Mexico, Canada, the Bahamas), but don't mention Cuba.

Can one purchase a package tour before departing for Cuba? Yes. Indeed, first time visitors should purchase a package tour. So, here's a run down of what's required:

1. Call a travel agent specializing in travel to Cuba and book the flight or tour. In other words, buy the Cancun/Havana/Cancun tickets, if Mexico is your "third" country. In Mexico, we recommend CubaTravel

It cost's about $250 round trip to fly Cubana airlines from Cancun, Mexico to Havana, Cuba. Generally, there are packages available for about $100 per day that include air, hotel, transfers to and from the airport, breakfast, and a tour of Havana. The language of Cuba is Spanish, and while English is spoken in major tourism establishments, it's not well-spoken elsewhere. You may elect to hire a guide while you are there. An English speaking guide costs from $15-50 per day. One guide we recommend is Pepe Alvarez, who has provided such service for Time magazine and National Geographic.

2. Once you have your arrival/departure dates to/from Cuba, simply purchase tickets to the third country that will take you to Cuba. Of course, your arrival to the third country should fit the Cuba departure/arrival dates.

3. Buy a visa at the airport (in Mexico, Canada, or the Bahamas). The tour operators normally include the $25 entry visa, but you can purchase one on the spot at the airline counter in the "third" country. When you arrive in Cuba, you tell the official that you are a tourist, and give him the name of the hotel or casa particulares where you will be staying. He/she will give you a visa that is good for 30 days in Cuba.

4. Have fun! (It's really not much more difficult to travel to Cuba than to any foreign country)

READ THESE WARNINGS
1. CREDIT CARDS

US credit cards won't work in Cuba, nor will traveler's checks issued from a US bank. Bring lots of cash! ALWAYS save enough for the departure tax, $25. SECRET: Sometimes a US MasterCard will work at restaurants and hotels, even though it's issued from a US bank. If you have run out of all your money, and you have a MasterCard, you can go to Transcard, in Cuba, and they can allow a cash withdrawal. Transcard: Calle 2 No. 302, esq. 3ra. Ave., Miramar, Playa, Ciudad de La Habana, Tel: 244823, 244824

>

I am feeling a little lackluster in finding meaning lately. I don't know whats going on with me.
I wonder if this is what a mid life crisis feels like, you know?
I took a break and walked around Royal Oak. I tried on two dresses and they looked ridiculous on me. It was sorta sad. Both were white but one had wallpaper style print-little flowers and a big pink ribbon around the waste. The other had bigger flowers with a cinched front that made my chest look like a heart and a lighter pink ribbon.
I looked like I had escaped from a musical of some sort.

The funny thing about my relationship is that I continually want to look nice for Eddie...which means buying new dresses. I bought one for Michelle's wedding that is nice but due to its strapless status, it has these wires to hold up the front gear which makes me feel like I am saddled in, real tight.
Its not too comfortable, suffice it to say.

So i'm looking for another dress for this weekend. Walking around the city feels so much more fun to me when I am wearing a dress, and since thats all we plan to do, I have to be prepared...plus, it cuts down on packing. two dresses plus pajamas and underware. thats like a grocery bag (and that is how i pack)...

I was looking at Eddie's website and really began to laugh. How I found a guy who enjoys taking pictures of the meals he eats (and who gets quite frustrated and often shakes fist when the camera is forgotten at a certain meal) and then posting it on a website under "ingested rodeo" is beyond me.
I get such a kick out of it, mostly because its something I would do. ;)

a great film critic:

FILM REVIEW; A Steely Hearted Woman Vs. a Rascally Charming Man
By A. O. SCOTT

Published: April 30, 2004, Friday
In the opening title sequence of ''Laws of Attraction,'' little golden bubbles float upward to a satiny Champagne score (by Edward Shearmur), but the movie never makes good on this promise of effervescence. This is too bad, because the two principal actors in this watery romantic comedy, which opens nationwide today, make you wish it were better.

As Daniel Rafferty, a dashing divorce lawyer, Pierce Brosnan, with a hint of James Bond swagger, continues his run as a late-blooming, grown-up sex symbol. He is far more appealing in middle age than he was in his pseudo-Bond ''Remington Steele'' youth. And it is a relief to see Julianne Moore doing something onscreen besides suffer.

Her character, Audrey Woods, also a divorce lawyer, is at first so antiromantic that she refuses even to discuss the possibility of dating. Given Ms. Moore's attractiveness, this may seem wildly implausible -- in any case it is never explained --unless it is a reaction to some of her recent roles. If you had endured the marital agonies of ''Far From Heaven,'' ''The Hours'' and ''Safe,'' you might be a little gun-shy, too.

The" Results In: " Entry
Date: 9 June
Climate: swealteringsweatypants
Eating: --
Drinking: water
Feeling: working for a living
Listening to: THE SMITHS
Watching: those two men with the cords and staples again... we're like best friends now.
Reading: see below-->

It worked for once:::

Cheney touts terror fight in quick visit in town
(que robot commands)
Subhead (if any)

Byline
Steven Harmon / The Grand Rapids Press
Publication Date
6/5/2004
Edition(s)
All Editions
Page
A3
Section
City & Region
Keywords
Official; Trip
Comments
Graphic?
None
Correction Date (if any)
Correction Text (if any)
Word Count
559

Text of Story
The political backdrop was made to order: American flags and blue uniforms.
Vice President Dick Cheney couldn't pass up the opportunity, so, en route to an Illinois fund-raiser, he made a quick stop in Grand Rapids on Friday to pick up the endorsement of the Police Officers Association of Michigan at its annual meeting at the Amway Grand Plaza.
He used the endorsement to focus, in a 15-minute speech, on the cornerstone of the Bush administration's 2004 campaign: the war on terror.
"As we face this danger, we have one option: to take the fight to the enemy," Cheney said. "Terrorist attacks are not caused when we make use of our strength; they are invited by the perception of weakness. We will face the enemy (overseas) so we don't have to face the enemy with police, firefighters and medical personnel on the streets of our cities."
The POAM has 10,000 members, including members in the Kent County Sheriff's Department, as well as the Greenville and Grand Haven public safety departments. About 350 attended the speech.
"I liked the fact that he brought up the reason we're at war -- 9/11 brings back a lot of memories," said Tim Lewis, president of the Kent County POAM local union.
The Police Officers Labor Council of Grand Rapids has not endorsed either presidential candidate, said Ed Hillyer, its president.
Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe said in a conference call with reporters that Bush may have POAM's endorsement, but the International Brotherhood of Police Officers has endorsed Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., the Democrats' presumed presidential nominee.
Cheney boasted that $8 billion has been allocated in training preparedness grants for first responders in the past 14 months and an additional $1.4 billion for 2005.
But opponents say the Bush administration has fallen short in helping first responders. The Bush administration cut $425 million in grants in this year's budget to first responders in local and state agencies, though it gave a 10 percent increase to Homeland Security, according to the local branch of the liberal activist group America Coming Together, which held a press conference earlier Friday at the Kent Ionia Labor Council building in Grand Rapids.
"George Bush embraced us at the World Trade Center on top of the rubble, so why he's not been appreciative of us at budget time is beyond comprehension," said William Smith, the local 366 chairman of the political action committee for the International Association of Firefighters.
U.S. Rep. Vern Ehlers, R-Grand Rapids, who accompanied Cheney at the Amway, said he would like to see a stronger effort to beef up security around presumed targets of terrorism, such as shipping ports.
"It was very important that the vice president express appreciation for what every police officer and firefighter does. These people are on the front line and many are not properly trained," Ehlers said.
Outside the Amway, a small crowd of protesters stood at the corner of Pearl Street and Monroe Avenue as Cheney spoke.
"I'm opposed to the war," said Katherine Marty, 22, as she held a sign that read: "Stop the Corporate War Crimes -- Arrest Cheney."
Marty said she opposes just about everything the Bush administration has done since in office.
"I can point to no single initiative that they have put forward that hasn't ended in disaster," Marty said.

:::
I talked to this guy and he actually came, woo hoo...made my old journalism love come out again...so it was him and the local Fox affiliate (crap...and I saw Clarence Page on Fox last night and I really was confused. I generally like his column in the Trib.) Anyway--

08 June 2004

The" someone loves you " Entry
Date: feels like it should be tomorrow
Climate: I LOVE THIS WEATHER
Eating: --
Drinking: water
Feeling: bored
Listening to: downloaded Jesus and Mary Chain
Watching: a man staple wires to a piece of plywood outside my office.
Reading: online crap a la jinx magazine, tompaine.com, cnn, emails--

Two weeks ago at the bank, Eddie handed me a deposit envelope.
It read on one side "Someone loves you. (turn over)"
And on the other side it read: "me."

This is the stuff that makes me crazy. He just sorta smiled and grabbed me and kissed me. He does this often enough for me to feel comforted...this morning he grabbed me as I rubbed his shoulders to wake him up, and pulled me into him and we laid like that until I felt we'd miss his train if we didn't wake.
Its so sad to watch that train depart. I know I write an awful lot about him and me but what can I say? We watch dog shows together....and like julie says, thats love.
Or maybe its just that I feel so happy, all the time, that I am beyond scared that something is going to take this away from me. I don't know. For someone who says we're going to break the pinata at our wedding (of a dinosaur for chrissakes) I think that its pretty safe to say that i've stopped looking...we both have I guess.

We had another crazy democratic intern come in today. I love how they get into their suits (ah, he even had an american flag pin which I felt a bit overkill but oh well). Turns out the kid lived in Newport Beach for quite some time, and he doesn't enjoy the OC one bit. How sad for him...I told him I didn't need to smarten up my TV watching be/c I work in politics. Then he's like "where do you want to go to law school" (constant competition) and I replied "Northwestern" and he says "Great school...i'm looking at LSE."
I asked (because I hate people who pretend to know what is going on who just plain don't) where that was and he's like, "Oh. London."
I looked at him and said "oh yeah? My boyfriend lived there for three years"(sorta a lie but it was the UK nonetheless).

He didn't say much after that.

The" Make this Fathers Day a Swiss Army Fathers Day " Entry (I saw that on a sign in Royal Oak. It amused me, as if thats such an obvious option)
Date: 8 June...eddie is gone away
Climate: HOT which = Cherie starts her running again:)
Eating: I threw up yellow acid from nothing this morning...
Drinking: water
Feeling: tired
Listening to: Mirah (so emo)
Watching: Today morning show (I know, I know)
Reading: IM

I love that when I search for the band No Knife (Better Looking), I get results that include Mack the Knife. I remember when I used to read the Babysitters Club books back in the day, and Stacy sang that in a talent show. I was so impressed. I didn't think anyone but my mom and Frank Sinatra knew that song...anyway.
Today is perfect running weather. I can't really explain it but from the beginning of time, I have absolutely loved to run when the heat index is above 90 degrees.
I think this is primarily due to the training I did when I ran Cross in high school...see, we'd train at 7am and also at 3pm...hills or pick up intervals usually at that time. My body got used to running hard when the sun beat violently down on your body, and since I was a relatively good runner in high school (5:39 mile run*), I suppose I connect heat with success.
Anyway, so due to my overwhelming urge to start this running, today is the day.
I am actually in my running gear now, sports bra and everything. I love that i get away with that in this office. I suppose this is also due to the fact that I am relatively quirky compared to my coworkers.
For instance, last night after work, Eddie came and picked me up, and we walked around Royal Oak and ate some burritos and ice cream, and walked over to a fountain, where we were tossing a penny in for a wish.
Suddenly he reached for yet another penny, which is against my wish rule book, since I think you only should get one a visit (stingy, I know), and I hollered "No! Only one!" and I hear almost instantaneously "Hello Cherie."
Oh..."Hi...Lon."
The MI ACT director who, and lets just get the record straight here, sorta scares me. He was pounding up and down the halls today talking about the voter file and it was shaking my desk, no joke. Anyway. He sorta smiled as I was hunched over the fountain, attempting to grab one cent from Eddie, so he didn't make another wish. It was just sorta embarassing, really.
Anyway, so its no matter to them when I show up in my orange Evanston Sailing Club shirt and running shorts with flip flops. I actually do sail, but not usually in Evanston. Anyway.
So Royal Oak last night. Eddie recounted a story where he was sitting outside on a bench, waiting for me to resurface with directions for him to get back to the hotel, when a man came out of Goombah's, this pizza joint across the way, and he approaches Eddie and points the to the Help Wanted sign. Eddie just sorta looks at him or behind him or something when the man points again to the sign and asks "Miguel?"
I mean, seriously. He was laughing and I thought it was funny too but it sparked up that whole issue again of my identity...of being adopted but having white parents, of people trying to insist that I don't know "my culture" even though they would never say that to any other average white person walking down the street...how Eddie can be American with a latin culture be/c his parents are latin and he has that support system...and how I feel judged by my race, when I feel no affinity to it whatsoever...how people perceive asian women especially, how the only asian celebrities that I know in existence operate within the porn industry...and how fed up I am of having to "teach" people about what it means to be adopted when you're like 1 after being in an orphanage (can't believe they still have those, but again, I am conjuring up Annie type of references), being raised in small town Minnesota, when the rest of your family is white, and how you're expected to be able to balance it all with a big fucking smile on your face. I can't tell you of how many white and black men have approached me and asked, "No speak English?" And then I get reprimanded for yelling and cussing back.And then people tell me to just chill out and not let it affect me. Are you kidding me?

I do envy people with a culture that is strong and certain, like Eddie I suppose...but I would be lying if I didn't say that every day for quite some time, and sometimes still today, I woke up wishing that my skin would turn white, my hair blonde, and that I would actually begin to resemble my "background and family" which is small town MN, primarily Swedish (we even had that wooden horse as a statue in our city park) so that I could stop fighting this identity crisis. If my parents were Asian (and then I always get those idiots who gently try to awaken me to the fact that I am adopted by saying..."well, they kinda are, you know." That always makes me want to scream "Have you been listening? At all? Have you? NO.") this wouldn't be an issue, it'd just the whole adoption-my-first-year-is-documented-as-a-number-and-not-any-real-love-or-identity thing...not that + this.
This I poured out to Eddie last night in tears. He handled it perfectly as usual...making me even more sad to see him go this morning. He always knows what to say, do, and touch upon when I get this way...its the second time I have dumped this on him. He says he just wishes I saw how beautiful I am...I know he's sincere but that just doesn't help much, and I have told him that...there is nothing he can do, really, and I hope he knows that by just being there, its enough.

It all makes me really melancholy and sad and depressed. Its like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon, and as much as I can hear a "just get over it and deal with it argument" I still resent the fact that this is so hard and I feel so alone in it. And its not like i haven't done my research but knowing that other people feel this way doesn't help me much...and reading books and articles just affirms that I do, yes, feel this way and I just have to grow and learn and get past it blah blah blah...I don't know what I want really, but being able to resemble what you actually are would help...sorta like those men that become women and vice versa. Not to sound scary but I sorta understand where they are coming from.

07 June 2004

The" infirmary " Entry
Date: 7 June 04
Climate: its fucking cold in my office
Eating: gum--er, chewing I guess
Drinking: --
Feeling: said climate
Listening to: fresh air with Mac. Culkin talking about SAVED--something Jliz and I will see this friday;)
Watching: two m en install cords and cables in my office as plaster falls all around us
Reading: media clips.

This past week was great with Eddie up here, minus the little issue with the sickness.
From Wed-Saturday we were both sick, laying in bed and sneezing and coughing and blowing our noses and sleeping all day long.
I was reluctant to say we'd get better since I felt like we were just passing it back and forth but after proper doses of Robitussin and cold meds, we're both healthy today...

The best parts were the little interludes of him and I isolating ourselves to the hotel room. He never left and I went out twice for rations...we read the Nytimes in its entirety (er, or close to it) on Sunday and ate donuts. We watched bad movies and ate lots of hot/tofu dogs, and whtaever else I had to avoid going out anymore than we had to.

I suppose that this is what assures me that things will always work out--even doing nothing is doing something with him. At one point, I put the dinosaur pinata in bed with him and took pictures. I think that may have been the medication getting to me, but he seemed fine with it so who knows.

We did see Harry Potter while they cleaned my room (awww, I liked it) and that was about it. Due to some debacle with train stations, agents, and tickets, he's leaving tomorrow at 7am instead of today...I think we're going out to dinner now that I have been forced to come up for air.


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