The" Race to the Finish " Entry
Date: 1.13.04
Climate: Deceptively sunny
Eating: Trail Mix
Drinking: Water
Feeling: See all archived entries
Listening to: these mix CDs are great
Watching: Line of Fire--I love this show.
Reading: Tomorrow I pick up more library books:)
Today I drove to Naperville and spent the afternoon with who I affectionately call U of I Brian. It was nice to catch up with him, he always makes me laugh, even though we have different senses of humor. He pointed out (after I asked) why it is that I just don't have that many friends. He looked at the fact that in my attempt to locate these so called people, that I tend to gravitate to those who have similar interests, who may not even necessarily make me feel like I feel good, am having a good time, etc. He also pointed out (again, not just because he wanted to tell me what was wrong, but because I asked. He was quite dutiful in that respect, actually, very honest) that I tend to put a cap on things that I enjoy out of "convention's" sense, or in the way I want to make sure I always have control so that things never get out of control...something to that effect.
Its true, I admit it.
He asked where the humor was in my day, week, life...I don't know. David Sedaris was in town and I missed that--I couldn't find anyone to go with really. Its like, all my friends have the desire, sorta, but no initiative. So for me to go have fun, with someone, i'd have to double my trouble to a) con someone into it and b) logistically set it up.
So I guess thats where I stand. Attempting to find sweetness and light in my life tends to get tiring to me. I just want friends who a) will be there for me b) be nice to me and c) not have any underhanded motives/feelings/intentions that I don't necessarily know about, but may clearly come out through their actions with me.
I may set up a personal ad. It'd be interesting to see what happened. Because ever since I signed up to friendster, i have been quite disappointed with the outcome. I only have three friends even though I am apparently connected to thousands, and I have but one testimonial. I just don't know what I am doing wrong.
Perhaps its because I sort of have a lot going on right now, as does everyone, but mine tends to bring more of that dark cloud with it, and it tends to stray from the garden variety of problems...and truth be told, no one wants to deal with that, or hear about it. I sometimes feel bad talking to my "real" friends.
Or maybe they're just bad at communicating...? I dont know. I'll just revert back to the "its my" conclusion.
In other news, I was supposed to go to the Double Door tonight with my friend Mat to see a couple bands. It never happened but I did get an awful lot of laundry done...once again, we see the "responsible and boring" side coming out. However, I ran out of quarters to do my laundry with, and about ten minutes ago, had to run out to my car, drive to the gas station on the corner of Western and Roosevelt (not the best area, I tell you) to get change. I was wearing shorts and one of my many boyfriend's sweatshirts that he has been so kind to let me borrow during our duration together...much more easy going than the last one with this sort of thing. I was freezing my ass off and scared. Its nearly midnight and they lock the store so you have to yell into this glass thing with a tray. And the people milling about, just loitering, kept spitting and looking at me, simultaneously. I doubt if it meant anything but it was scary. I got my change and ran. The laundry is still drying.
I start to train at Dappers tomorrow as a waitress. I can't believe its come to this.
I am trying to have a positive outlook but its hard. Waiting tables at a family restaurant wasn't what I had in mind after investing so much time in just job searching, let alone my actual education.
Also tonight, I noticed that Diane Sawyer has been doing a rash of these "inside celebritie's minds" interviews. Since when did she want to work for Entertainment Tonight? I just hate it. I don't care to see Diane Sawyer "prying" into the minds of Britney Spears, Ben and Jen, and Jennifer Aniston. And then you've got Barbara Walters interviewing that Jayson character, the NBA star who evidently killed his chauffer?
Although the war and especially its broadcast coverage tended to get a little too play by play, movie effect, ratings frenzy-esque, at least it had journalists pretending to do their job, and put our incredibly puzzling preoccupation with pop culture and the people who make it happen on hold. Now, we're just innundated with not just second rate journalism, but typically more respectable journalists paying heed to the Hollywood Hills. But maybe its a welcomed break from their war checkered journalism resume...and you know, if it makes you happy. But the day I hear Anne Garrells interviewing Chingy is the day I take my thoughts of suicide to the next level...eh, a tad overdramatic, but you catch my drift.
Date: 1.13.04
Climate: Deceptively sunny
Eating: Trail Mix
Drinking: Water
Feeling: See all archived entries
Listening to: these mix CDs are great
Watching: Line of Fire--I love this show.
Reading: Tomorrow I pick up more library books:)
Today I drove to Naperville and spent the afternoon with who I affectionately call U of I Brian. It was nice to catch up with him, he always makes me laugh, even though we have different senses of humor. He pointed out (after I asked) why it is that I just don't have that many friends. He looked at the fact that in my attempt to locate these so called people, that I tend to gravitate to those who have similar interests, who may not even necessarily make me feel like I feel good, am having a good time, etc. He also pointed out (again, not just because he wanted to tell me what was wrong, but because I asked. He was quite dutiful in that respect, actually, very honest) that I tend to put a cap on things that I enjoy out of "convention's" sense, or in the way I want to make sure I always have control so that things never get out of control...something to that effect.
Its true, I admit it.
He asked where the humor was in my day, week, life...I don't know. David Sedaris was in town and I missed that--I couldn't find anyone to go with really. Its like, all my friends have the desire, sorta, but no initiative. So for me to go have fun, with someone, i'd have to double my trouble to a) con someone into it and b) logistically set it up.
So I guess thats where I stand. Attempting to find sweetness and light in my life tends to get tiring to me. I just want friends who a) will be there for me b) be nice to me and c) not have any underhanded motives/feelings/intentions that I don't necessarily know about, but may clearly come out through their actions with me.
I may set up a personal ad. It'd be interesting to see what happened. Because ever since I signed up to friendster, i have been quite disappointed with the outcome. I only have three friends even though I am apparently connected to thousands, and I have but one testimonial. I just don't know what I am doing wrong.
Perhaps its because I sort of have a lot going on right now, as does everyone, but mine tends to bring more of that dark cloud with it, and it tends to stray from the garden variety of problems...and truth be told, no one wants to deal with that, or hear about it. I sometimes feel bad talking to my "real" friends.
Or maybe they're just bad at communicating...? I dont know. I'll just revert back to the "its my" conclusion.
In other news, I was supposed to go to the Double Door tonight with my friend Mat to see a couple bands. It never happened but I did get an awful lot of laundry done...once again, we see the "responsible and boring" side coming out. However, I ran out of quarters to do my laundry with, and about ten minutes ago, had to run out to my car, drive to the gas station on the corner of Western and Roosevelt (not the best area, I tell you) to get change. I was wearing shorts and one of my many boyfriend's sweatshirts that he has been so kind to let me borrow during our duration together...much more easy going than the last one with this sort of thing. I was freezing my ass off and scared. Its nearly midnight and they lock the store so you have to yell into this glass thing with a tray. And the people milling about, just loitering, kept spitting and looking at me, simultaneously. I doubt if it meant anything but it was scary. I got my change and ran. The laundry is still drying.
I start to train at Dappers tomorrow as a waitress. I can't believe its come to this.
I am trying to have a positive outlook but its hard. Waiting tables at a family restaurant wasn't what I had in mind after investing so much time in just job searching, let alone my actual education.
Also tonight, I noticed that Diane Sawyer has been doing a rash of these "inside celebritie's minds" interviews. Since when did she want to work for Entertainment Tonight? I just hate it. I don't care to see Diane Sawyer "prying" into the minds of Britney Spears, Ben and Jen, and Jennifer Aniston. And then you've got Barbara Walters interviewing that Jayson character, the NBA star who evidently killed his chauffer?
Although the war and especially its broadcast coverage tended to get a little too play by play, movie effect, ratings frenzy-esque, at least it had journalists pretending to do their job, and put our incredibly puzzling preoccupation with pop culture and the people who make it happen on hold. Now, we're just innundated with not just second rate journalism, but typically more respectable journalists paying heed to the Hollywood Hills. But maybe its a welcomed break from their war checkered journalism resume...and you know, if it makes you happy. But the day I hear Anne Garrells interviewing Chingy is the day I take my thoughts of suicide to the next level...eh, a tad overdramatic, but you catch my drift.