" Modern Way of Letting Go "
Date: 10 August
Climate: not hot enough
Eating: --
Drinking: water
Feeling: annoyed
Listening to: idlewild
Watching: --
Reading: --
This whole leaving issue is reaching new heights of annoyance. First, and now again, I seem to be the target of negativity because I am, I suppose, frankly telling individuals in charge that I can't afford to waste my time with a program that is giving me nothing of the objectives I was told I was going to be achieving if I put my whole life on hold, and moved TO MICHIGAN, mind you, to work on this "election"...and now, some parties are claiming that I was going to be "moved" over into more field work (aka what i was told I would be doing anyway) come September...because my responsibilities with press would be relieved because they AREN'T hiring a press secretary to aid the director that I have been committed to since, like, May.
I don't necessarily enjoy or dislike my work here, but its not worth putting law school off for another year--oh, and thats another thing, because everyone hears so well, everyone "thought" I was going to law school NOW and are realizing that things like, oh, the LSAT and applications must be done first, which is a committment in and of itself, too.
I mean, this is ridiculous. No one is listening.
I told them straight up that regardless of what either party claims, my side is and always has been the same, despite varying reports: I was told I would be doing something I am not, I was NEVER told that I would be doing anything different for the remaining two and a half months, from what i have been doing for the past 4 months, and that at one point, I was told that I was brought up here to be the HELP DESK aka a receptionist-secretary who deals with, like, paperwork for MPO's and reimbursements, but my "leadership" abilities shone through, which is why I am essentially the secretary to the communications director...No matter what "the date" of this alleged move to field work and organizing, lets all look it in the eye and say "that wont' happen" because its not like it has yet--and if they had told me in April that that move wouldn't have happened until September, there is no way I would have committed to doing this for the time that I have, walking into it eyes open. Sure, for a time, I wanted to be as helpful as possible for the good of the organization, and make myself useful but that has only allowed the pigeon holing to continue, which isn't worth putting law school off for another year for these little "possibilities" that in my gut I know won't pan out because she is and does and will need help in press--the best was the comment that i'd work in press and do weekend canvass, both--what?! No one ever asked, they just assumed, and I have given almost three months notice to that I am not happy in press and what has happened? Nothing.
Yes, if I was doing something than I thought I would be doing in April, right now, that would lbe different, as we all know that I considered law school and the ramifications of committing myself to this way back in March, but to be honest, that job doesn't exist right now, and anyone saying it would happen come September, when my responsibilities with press relieve themselves (and again, how would that happen without hiring someone else? They, apparently, on the record, aren't hiring anyone to replace OR aid us (if I were to stay), and its not as though press slows down come November 2 so where is the relief they speak of? There is no way she'd let me go work on that with all she has to do, and I couldn't do it with a clear conscious anyway).
Someone please explain why I would want to stay here, especially after all this. Today someone tried to get me to stay already.
I realize that everyone is trying to cover themselves, but if they want me to lie or say that I feel or don't feel something because of these new developments, and that I am leaving because of a reason they want me to be spoon fed while the real reason lays docile, then they can just take a breath because its not going to happen.
My ambition isn't going to be guilted nor is my unhappiness, to stay here--even though this new "she's not getting any help with press" development has my stomach eating itself inside out--I am worried about her now, because I genuinely have grown to like the press director, and I appreciate the work I do here, and she works harder than anyone, and now that I know she's going to be completely on her own (although they kept telling me that regardless of me staying or going, they were hiring someone else...how this all changes in the two weeks I announce my departure is beyond me), I am worried for her, and feel badly, really badly, for my leaving.
But like I said over and over, this job, this "secretarial" position, isn't enough for me to put off law school. Back home, I can get my letters of recommendation done, do the statements carefully, do the applications well, and take the freaking 1500.00 course my parents paid for last year, and study full time. My boyfriend and I won't h ave a 400 mile drive each weekend, and I will be able to see what the rest of my life consisted of before it became just my job, at 23.
I don't know how else to communicate this, I just don't.
Date: 10 August
Climate: not hot enough
Eating: --
Drinking: water
Feeling: annoyed
Listening to: idlewild
Watching: --
Reading: --
This whole leaving issue is reaching new heights of annoyance. First, and now again, I seem to be the target of negativity because I am, I suppose, frankly telling individuals in charge that I can't afford to waste my time with a program that is giving me nothing of the objectives I was told I was going to be achieving if I put my whole life on hold, and moved TO MICHIGAN, mind you, to work on this "election"...and now, some parties are claiming that I was going to be "moved" over into more field work (aka what i was told I would be doing anyway) come September...because my responsibilities with press would be relieved because they AREN'T hiring a press secretary to aid the director that I have been committed to since, like, May.
I don't necessarily enjoy or dislike my work here, but its not worth putting law school off for another year--oh, and thats another thing, because everyone hears so well, everyone "thought" I was going to law school NOW and are realizing that things like, oh, the LSAT and applications must be done first, which is a committment in and of itself, too.
I mean, this is ridiculous. No one is listening.
I told them straight up that regardless of what either party claims, my side is and always has been the same, despite varying reports: I was told I would be doing something I am not, I was NEVER told that I would be doing anything different for the remaining two and a half months, from what i have been doing for the past 4 months, and that at one point, I was told that I was brought up here to be the HELP DESK aka a receptionist-secretary who deals with, like, paperwork for MPO's and reimbursements, but my "leadership" abilities shone through, which is why I am essentially the secretary to the communications director...No matter what "the date" of this alleged move to field work and organizing, lets all look it in the eye and say "that wont' happen" because its not like it has yet--and if they had told me in April that that move wouldn't have happened until September, there is no way I would have committed to doing this for the time that I have, walking into it eyes open. Sure, for a time, I wanted to be as helpful as possible for the good of the organization, and make myself useful but that has only allowed the pigeon holing to continue, which isn't worth putting law school off for another year for these little "possibilities" that in my gut I know won't pan out because she is and does and will need help in press--the best was the comment that i'd work in press and do weekend canvass, both--what?! No one ever asked, they just assumed, and I have given almost three months notice to that I am not happy in press and what has happened? Nothing.
Yes, if I was doing something than I thought I would be doing in April, right now, that would lbe different, as we all know that I considered law school and the ramifications of committing myself to this way back in March, but to be honest, that job doesn't exist right now, and anyone saying it would happen come September, when my responsibilities with press relieve themselves (and again, how would that happen without hiring someone else? They, apparently, on the record, aren't hiring anyone to replace OR aid us (if I were to stay), and its not as though press slows down come November 2 so where is the relief they speak of? There is no way she'd let me go work on that with all she has to do, and I couldn't do it with a clear conscious anyway).
Someone please explain why I would want to stay here, especially after all this. Today someone tried to get me to stay already.
I realize that everyone is trying to cover themselves, but if they want me to lie or say that I feel or don't feel something because of these new developments, and that I am leaving because of a reason they want me to be spoon fed while the real reason lays docile, then they can just take a breath because its not going to happen.
My ambition isn't going to be guilted nor is my unhappiness, to stay here--even though this new "she's not getting any help with press" development has my stomach eating itself inside out--I am worried about her now, because I genuinely have grown to like the press director, and I appreciate the work I do here, and she works harder than anyone, and now that I know she's going to be completely on her own (although they kept telling me that regardless of me staying or going, they were hiring someone else...how this all changes in the two weeks I announce my departure is beyond me), I am worried for her, and feel badly, really badly, for my leaving.
But like I said over and over, this job, this "secretarial" position, isn't enough for me to put off law school. Back home, I can get my letters of recommendation done, do the statements carefully, do the applications well, and take the freaking 1500.00 course my parents paid for last year, and study full time. My boyfriend and I won't h ave a 400 mile drive each weekend, and I will be able to see what the rest of my life consisted of before it became just my job, at 23.
I don't know how else to communicate this, I just don't.